Me a Leader? Who Would've Thunk It

Crazy me! I accepted the young women’s division Buddhist leadership position. I know that I need to expand my life. And I’ve been thinking that there will never be an “ideal” or perfect time. I am always busy and striving for my next achievement. So, now is as good a time as any. And hopefully, I will feel more connected to both my LA community and my LA Buddhist community. And I am willing to give it my best. If for some reason it becomes too much, I’ll know and adjust. Pray for me!

Spirits Are Renewed

My spirits are renewed (well somewhat)! I chanted (the Buddhist form of praying) this morning about the house hunting and feel a little better. I also vented to my best friend, Tinesha, about all of the stuff going on in my life. It’s more than the house hunting that’s bothering me (I’ll vent about the other stuff at another time). However, I keep telling myself that we’ll find something. Today, I am going to go see 4 houses that have potential, but I am not getting my hopes up. Lately, I’ve been finding things online and then find out that they are sold already – which is a real bummer. My hubby and I are trying to keep our hopes low so we won’t be disappointed. I really want to find our house. I really do! The house project is beginning to feel like the wedding project – tiring and never-ending. Yes, I am being a bit dramatic but I do want this project to come to a successful close. I want to worry about other stuff like grad school and becoming a Buddhist leader but right now I just don’t have time. The house search is sucking up all of our free time. In Buddhism, we believe in showing actual proof – which is quite simply that our praying works and we are victorious. So, we are praying for our house and we have such a strong belief in our faith and abilities that we know we’ll find the house – and show actual proof. I just wish it would hurry up. Enough already!

Rather Uneventful House Hunting Weekend

My husband and I had a rather uneventful house hunting weekend. We looked at so many houses; it is beginning to feel like a blur. Yesterday we did house speed dating. Or at least that is what it felt like because we whipped through the houses sooo fast, it would make your head spin. We had a new guy helping us in the areas that we were looking at before like Jefferson Park and Leimert Park. And somehow we ended up looking in the northern hill areas like Montecito Heights and El Sereno on Saturday. There were some nice houses up there. The key here is “up there.” Although the houses were nice and had great views, I couldn’t sell myself on the terrible commute. I am already commuting over 45 minutes to 1 hour and 15 minutes or more each way. The thought of making my commute worse just made my stomach hurt a little. If I didn’t have the ability to work from home a lot, I wouldn’t make it as it is right now. Plus, from living in DC, I know that what takes you 45 minutes today will take you an hour in 1-2 years or less. The commutes become longer as time goes on, not shorter which should be the objective. And the horrifying thing is that these places “up there” were only 5-6 miles away from where we live currently but could add on another 20-30 minutes or more. Hmm, somehow the views just didn’t seem worth it.

Anyway, this new guy is pretty opinionated which can get on our nerves a bit. He tells us his opinion without being asked and is a little pushy with his remarks. We’ll have to see how well this new relationship works out. The good thing about this guy is that he knows Jefferson Park and Leimert Park like the back of his hand. And he has sold and listed so many properties in this area, it’s ridiculous. (And he is quick to point all this out and out and out.) You get my drift.

Sadly, another weekend has gone by and no house to report. Although we’ve only been looking for about a month or so, it feels like forever. And our energy is evaporating. We’re trying to keep our hopes and spirits up.

Another house bits the dust

The seller has decided to play hardball and really won’t give much on their price. Hey, I can understand because they are looking after their investments and doing the best thing for their team. Well, that is what my hubby and I have to do. We already came up to more than we wanted to pay to a price that we were willing to pay – and that wasn’t good enough. They had to still want basically $10k more. After weighing all the pros and cons, checking all the numbers (and checking them again), we decided to pass. Heck, if they want their number so bad, let the house sit on the market 70 more days to get their magic number – in a buyer’s market no less. The sellers were trying to press our backs up against the wall and make us make decisions in less than 24 hours. And it would take them over 48 hours to make decisions. No. I didn’t like the energy and anticipated difficulties in working with them through the rest of the house process – especially during the house inspections and ensuing negotiations over items that needed fixing or money back.

My hubby and I are beginning to think that the house that is FOR us will be FOR us and the process will be a little different. I think the process will feel better. I think we’ll know – somehow. It won’t feel forced or rushed. Plus, we keep learning more about what we are willing and NOT willing to take or settle for. We’ve definitely learned a lot more from our new realtor about the LA real estate market. Now, we are deciding what is important to us. Our new realtor keeps stressing the importance of good schools. On principle, I agree. Good schools mean good resale. However, if almost all of LA has crappy schools (with the exception of a few pockets here and there), then people are buying houses in areas with not so great schools and the houses are appreciating. In fact, the houses are appreciating higher than the national average. So, then you have to think, how important are the schools??

So many things to consider – location (location! Location! Location!), square footage, good schools, price (which translates into our mortgage payment), and then our goals. We’re getting there. I just wish that we’d already found our house.

The negotiations have begun

We finally heard something. The owners of the house came back with a counter-offer only $7k less than their asking price. It’s like they don’t care about selling the house. So, now we are going to send another counter-offer to them which is $15k less than their last price. Ooh, the war is heating up. I now wonder what is going to happen. They are playing ball BUT we are on the offensive. They are the one with this house to unload. We like it but at what price?!

Still Waiting

I just got a call from our realtor. No news yet! Ugh! She called the listing agent on the place, and was told that she is meeting with one of the owners this afternoon. So, we should know something later today. I really feel like our lives are on-hold. We are waiting on pins and needles to hear something. This is a good sign. They didn’t refuse our offer outright. Hopefully, we’ll be able to get the house at the price we want or negotiate something that works for all of us involved. Still waiting…

Isn't our home beautiful!

Here is the picture of the new house!! Isn't it beautiful! I'm claiming this home as our own.

We’ve found another house

Although I’ve been trying to post daily, the recent house hunting has just exhausted me. We thought we were going to get this house in Redondo Beach. (We put in an offer and then rescinded it before it was accepted.) It was beautiful. It had all of the “upgrades” that you would want in a house and more. It had an amazing back yard with a built in BBQ grill with stereo sound and a hot tub with stereo. Oh, the backyard also had a fire pit. Can you say – fabulous!!! But we decided to be more sensible and conservative with our dollars. We didn’t want to feel over-extended or fall into the “middle class trap” where both salaries are needed to survive. The house was really nice and located in a “beach” town. If you say beach here in Cali, for some reason it means something and that something is mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money! The beach is the most desirable area here. Another reason why we didn’t go with it is because I realized that it was a bit too far from things in LA that matter to us – namely, USC, my future grad school. I don’t want going to school to become a hassle.

However, we’ve found a new home. This is actually a house we found the same weekend that we saw the one in Redondo Beach. And we loved the house a lot. But we were wooed by the whole backyard and lost our minds (momentarily). The new house is located in a wonderful and ritzy community called Del Aire in Hawthorne, California. Although we don’t have any kids yet, this house is in a fantastic, award-winning school district which means no private schooling for children (if for some reason we are in this house that long) and greater re-sale. YAAY! It is just in a really nice neighborhood. We found out from our new realtor (who is a breath of fresh air and fantastic) that people really try to get into this particular area of Hawthorne which is only a couple of blocks. The house is also located near Manhattan Beach and El Segundo which has a lot of cute shops and restaurants. Anyway, the house is a lot bigger than the other ones that we’ve looked at and it offers us a “master’s suite” complete with our own separate bathroom and a walk-in closet that is big enough to be a room. Our bathroom is the Bomb because it has a Jacuzzi tub that my hubby and I can fit in (we’re tall so this counts). Plus, our bedroom is big enough to put a sitting area in it. We’re pretty excited about this house. This house looks like the “picture-perfect” house in the “picture-perfect” neighborhood. (Can you tell we're excited!) And guess what, it’s more affordable.

We made an offer on the house on Saturday and were hoping to hear an answer yesterday. Apparently, the people that own it are investors (we’re guessing) and jet-setters. One of the ladies is currently in Chile!! We’re hoping that she checks her email today and lets the other owner know her thoughts on our offer. We’re keeping our fingers crossed because we bid a fair but lower number than what they are asking for. And we are willing to negotiate so we’re expecting this week to be really interesting. Keep your fingers crossed for us. We are praying, chanting, and thinking good thoughts – please do so too!!! We’ll keep you posted.

Today is also the day..

Today is also the day that my hubby comes back into town. I’m excited as I always am to see him. You would think that I saw him a month ago. It’s been 3 long days. Our reunions are usually great because we act like the night is a weekend. And we have what our friends now know as one of our “2-people parties.” I love my husband!

Small venting...

Today is my assistant’s last day at work (my day job that I try hard not to talk about). I’m trying not to worry and fret about it, but it’s hard. I’m going to pray that I find another assistant soon before I can’t take it anymore. Ugh! (I just had to vent somewhere.)

Weave-able Feedback

Some thoughts on my weave post from a reader (and soon-to-be-friend), Sabah. Be sure to check out her blog after reading below.

Suite Sabah said...

Leticia our mutual friend, put me on to your blog & I just had to write you about this. I grew out my relaxer and after 2 years on July 14th got all my straight ends cut off. I LOVE IT! I'm from the DC/MD area too so I know how it is, and I was always getting my hair touched up. I could've bought a house with all the money I spent at the salons. Not counting the time I spent waiting to be seen. Now I love knowing what my natural hair looks and feels like. It's so wierd the kind of freedom I feel. And I'm not y'know trying to make a statement or stick it to the man, or start some sort of reveolution. I was curious, tired of salon visits and just wanted to do it. Albiet in the beginning I was getting my hair straightened and was informed that because my hair is soft I didn't even need to do that. A blow and curl would work just as fine. It's like we are brainwashed growing up to believe that our hair is so bad we need to do all these things to it to make it presentable. I'm never going back, and if I ever have to wear my hair straight for a gig - I'm putting on a wig! I hate weaves and braids and having things stuck in my head. It's like I've discovered a new part of myself and it's WONDERFUL.
~Sabah

11:04 AM

I couldn't agree with you more, Sabah! Thank you for posting.

Hopefully, ya'll don't mind me publishing your comments because I love them and they are definitely worth sharing!! It makes me feel like I am not alone out here in cyberspace! Keep writing and sending comments my way. I feel truly lucky to receive them.

Feedback on the Kristin Armstrong Post - Thanks!

Yesterday I received an interesting comment on my Kristin Armstrong post from a fellow blogger that I thought I would share. Please feel free to check out his blog too. I love getting comments.

 

Andrew said...

Well said. The readership of my advice site is primarily female, and I spend much time trying to empower women to realize they have just as many rights within their relationships as their partners. Thanks for pointing out this article.

Andrew
To Love, Honor and Dismay

 

Good Marriage Advice for Women

Kristin Armstrong, former wife of Lance Armstrong, wrote a great article called “What I wish I had known about marriage”. This article talks about what Kristin wishes she knew when she got married. She basically stresses the importance of women remaining true to themselves. I couldn’t agree with her more. It’s funny. I got lots of advice, especially from older women on what not to do. And a lot of it centered on catering to my husband or not being true to me. It was like I needed to play a role to be a good, subservient wife. For example, I was told that I need to cook for my man or make his plate, which I don’t have a problem with doing sometimes but cooking is not my thing. If my hubby was marrying me to cook, well he married the wrong one. However, I never disguised my true feelings about cooking and so he knew this fact about me since we first met each other. I was even told that I shouldn’t express my concerns and worries about his family and my religion (Buddhism). He came from a strict Christian family where his step-dad was a pastor. I was instructed not to worry him with these concerns because men aren’t strong enough to handle these things and it might make him feel like he has to choose. Whoa! Well, I kindly and respectfully told this woman, whom I respected greatly, that my future husband (at that time) and I didn’t roll like that. We told each other everything – good and bad, especially if it was something that was bothering one of us. And the family and religion situation worked out. In fact, my husband chose my religion on his own. Plus, I am not a believer that men aren’t strong, especially Black men. I know that my man is strong and I’d rather push him to be strong rather then play to his lesser self.

I’m just not a big believer in being inauthentic. If there is one thing that most people will say about me, including my husband, is that I’m just me! I don’t always do the easiest thing or take the least challenging road. If something doesn’t make sense to me, then I question it. If I’m uncomfortable with a situation or behavior, I speak up! I know plenty of women that allow certain types of treatment (and its scary to me) but I feel sorry for them. Either they don’t know what type of treatment to accept and reject or they are not strong enough or love themselves enough to demand better. I’ve actually seen this situation recently and I’ve been appalled.

My father gave me some good advice a long time ago. Shoot, I think he told me these words of wisdom before I started college. He said “honey, don’t ever start nothing with a man that you aren’t prepared to continue.” In other words, don’t do anything that you aren’t comfortable continuing because a man will expect something if you do it in the beginning. Thus, for me, a non-cooker, I never tried to woo a man with my cooking or front like I enjoy cooking. Cooking was done on special occasions only. Or if I had something on my mind, I’d say it and worry about the consequences later. I’d rather be the “crazy one” that he dated then get wrapped up with a fool that I can’t talk to or openly express myself.

Although I love my husband dearly, he isn’t worth the death of me – the only person that I truly know. He also isn’t worth me giving up my life. My husband and I have created a new life together with shared goals, viewpoints, and expectations. And I know that I haven’t given up my true self to be with him. I think it is important to be conscious and in the moment. As women, we have to evaluate for ourselves what feels right.

Even now with the big question looming in the room - - are you having children? My father is telling me that I don’t have to have children. He knows how important my goals are to me. He wants me to evaluate this big question for myself and for my marriage. He is trying to tell me (in his own way) that I don’t have to have children unless it is right for me and my husband and not to do it because people think I should. He is lifting the expectation. And my husband and I are continuing to navigate this question and this thing called marriage for ourselves. All I know is that I am navigating it with the true me and that includes what I’m comfortable with, my goals, my dreams, my loves - - which include my husband and our new life together!!

What’s Wrong With a Weave?

Okay, I’m stuck on a 5 hour flight from DC to Long Beach so I have nothing else to do but watch MTV and contemplate the state of weaves. So you’ve been forewarned. I guess nothing is wrong with weaves if you are treating your hair like an accessory? Is hair an accessory? Is it okay if your hair changes daily or weekly? I suppose it’s okay if all the changes look good. But for most our sistas donning weaves today, the hair looks anything BUT good. In fact, in most cases the weaves look hairendous! Not weavetastic! Ha ha! (I had to do it. It was too easy.) I just wish the weaves looked real. Only in rare cases, am I fooled. Most black women out there are just sticking, gluing or pasting a fake looking ponytail on their heads that does not look like theirs. So, if you are wearing a weave, can you try to deceive us? If not, why oh why are you wearing it? In most cases it makes me believe that women that wear weaves fall into one of the below categories:
1) They want long hair because they believe that long hair either equals beauty or is what men want. And in many cases, this is true for the men part! Men may try to deny it but most Black men like a woman with long hair. I think it falls into that whole light skin and long hair beauty standard. And to these women, I say beauty comes in all packages – short hair, long hair, dark skin, light skin, “nappy” or straight hair. WE must embrace ourselves instead of changing ourselves. I don’t have an answer for the men. Sorry! OR…
2) They don’t want to do their hair. This reason I can really understand. Most Black women have moments in their lives, if not decades, where they are tired of dealing with their hair. Many of them get relaxers to help them out. Others get braids. Some cut off their hair and wear it natural. And some other brave souls decide to wear their hair natural and dare the world to say anything. And then, there are the women that choose to get a weave. I don’t have much to say here other than I can relate just try, TRY to make them look real and not tacky. If it looks like something is sitting on top of your head, you didn’t try hard enough.
3) They want to look white or have hair like a white woman. All I can feel in this case is sadness. I hope this isn’t the reason. White isn’t better. And beauty exists everywhere – even in a “nappy” sista’s head. I believe that..

Am I tempted to get a weave, yes sometimes for a half of a second – when I am tired of dealing with my hair. But then I quickly regroup and get myself together. There is something about putting something fake into my hair that bothers me. So, I am now asking myself. Well, how does a weave differ from relaxing your hair? My only answer here is that relaxing your hair may be changing the texture of your hair (which some could consider a lack of self-love), but it isn’t the same as gluing an Asian’s hair or fake hair into your hair and covering yours up. I guess we are talking small degrees of difference here. I would liken relaxing your hair to pressing it. They are both different ways of working with your hair not walking around with someone else’s hair. Although I know I am walking on a thin line here. I’d love to hear someone else’s thoughts so please share.

As many of you know, I am still on my natural hair transition. But, there are days when I ask myself why? Why am I doing it? Why bother? And who cares? But for some reason, I’m still doing it……….even though I hear the Optimum Mild Relaxer calling my name at times. Ha ha!

Holding Our Breath in DC

Well, this past Thursday through Monday (today), my hubby and I did our once a month trip to the DC metro area. Ever since I moved last November to LA from DC, I’ve been back to DC almost once a month, sometimes twice a month for various reasons. This time we were in town for a wedding. And my husband was the best man in this one. So we arrived even earlier to help and participate in the wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and be on call for the groom’s requests. All in all, the wedding turned out okay. Honestly, I am just glad that we are done with weddings for awhile. They are really exhausting and time-consuming - and if you are in the wedding party, you’re holding your breath the whole time hoping that everything works out. What stress! Well, on Saturday, the first thing I said was – whew, I’m glad its over with. It may not have been the nicest thing to say but it’s truly how both my hubby and I felt. We’ve got a lot going on and just want life to slow down a little bit so we can’t stop holding our breath and catch it. My hubby doesn’t come home until Thursday and I can’t wait. Both of us back at home for awhile. Well… until our trip to Hawaii at the end of the month for a much needed vacation. Yaay!

My best friend, Leticia, was nice enough to check on her nephew, Marley, (yes the doggie) while we were gone. I owe her lunch. She is such a good friend. She always has our back and takes such good care of little Marley. He loves Auntie Tish.

Anyway, I didn’t want my few readers to think I’d gone to DC and forgotten about them. Nope – just working my way back into the world of writing this week.

Namaste!!!

My butt and thighs are screaming - - Georgia Browns

Not more than 12 hours after I landed in the District, my butt finds it way into Soul food restaurant extraordinaire, Georgia Browns. For those you that are unfamiliar (poor, poor souls), GB’s is absolutely the best fine soul food cuisine in DC and quite possibly nationwide. I haven’t had anything better. And B. Smith’s leaves a lot to be desired. What’s the difference between Mom’s and GB’s you ask? Well, it depends on your Mom’s cooking! I can only speak for GB’s when I say that everything they serve is good. And the place specializes in seafood dishes. I, myself, had a crab cake dish called Louisiana Deviled Shrimp that had 3 crab cake balls sitting on top of 3 giant tiger prawn shrimp with the cheesiest macaroni and cheese in the middle. It was fantastic. Is your mouth watering yet? Although my arteries and thighs aren’t thanking me at this moment, my taste buds are!! Plus, it’s not every day that I can enjoy GB’s. So, when you are in town, look ‘em up. I promise you – you won’t be disappointed.

We bid adieu to our house and realtor too…

On Friday we finished all the home inspections and we were just overwhelmed with all of the results. We had so many inspections – the normal house inspector which called for a plumbing & sewer inspection and also a chimney inspection. As we should have known, the additional checks could only mean one thing – trouble. And trouble with a capital “T”.

The house ended up being a money pit. Now, my hubby and I were prepared for the usual fixes and repairs that go along with buying an older home. However, we weren’t prepared to fix someone else’s repairs because they weren’t done properly. We would have to fix the fixes! Now doesn’t that sound crazy. So, we couldn’t even start at square one. We had to start below square one to get the whole house safe and to code. My running joke (yes, its funny to me) is that the homeowner of this house used Mr. Janky for all her repairs because nothing was done to code. It was crazy. The electrical system was messed up and would have required additional re-wiring. The plumbing was terrible. We found out that both toilets would be technically considered “inoperable.” And I bet you are thinking. Well how did the owners go to the bathroom? Well, one of them didn’t work at all and they claimed they didn’t use it. And then the other one was about to fall over and was unstable. The toilet was not properly connected to the plumbing and may be on rotted out wood. So the answer is that they went to the bathroom very carefully as to not knock over their only toilet. And the list goes on.. There were chimneys that moved on the roof and condemned along with the fireplace (oh, they claimed they used the fireplace.. humph!). There were refrigerators powering off extension cords because there were only 2 outlets in the entire kitchen and sunroom. The house could fall down any second because it wasn’t retrofitted for an earthquake. We live in a seismic activity zone which is code word for an earthquake can happen at any second. The garage should have been bulldozed because it was a termite mess with no electricity. And on top of all the bad stuff (and I haven’t listed it all), the house needed paint (interior and exterior), new kitchen, new bathrooms, additional closet space, the floors redone. So, if you haven’t gotten the picture by now, the place was CRAZY and required too much work and money. And thanks to the help of my father, my hubby and I were able to see it for what it was - - a Money Trap!

And after we decided that we didn’t want to move forward with the house based on all of these “contingencies” (which is our right by the way), our realtor yelled, kicked, and screamed in disagreement. Maybe I am exaggerating a little bit but she really did advise us STRONGLY and with lots of ATTITUDE to take the house and that we basically wouldn’t find anything better. And I agree. We definitely won’t find anything better with her as our realtor. So, we’ll try to find another house with another realtor. There were other reasons for her dismissal but that is for another day at another time. Plus, some of you might know her. (I told you I keep it pretty real on here.)

So now we are trying to find a qualified and PROFESSIONAL realtor to help us in our search for a new home. (If you know one please send their info my way.) And we aren’t looking for anyone’s friend because that is what got us in trouble in the first place (the realtor was my husband’s friend). There is a lesson in there too. I share below so stay tuned.

Now we are on the prowl to find a new home, a new realtor, and a buyer for our loft. We’re keeping our fingers crossed and praying about it. Although we spent unnecessary money and went through unnecessary drama, we learned several big lessons here.

Lesson #1: Don’t do business with friends (especially when one party is getting paid). You can’t be objective. And the friend can treat the business relationship too casual and act less than professional. Remember, they aren’t doing you a favor if you’re paying them, so they shouldn’t act like it.

Lesson #2: Big decisions should sit right with you or feel good. At the end of the day and after all the pros and cons are weighed, you should be able to sleep well with the decisions that you made. If you can’t or something stinks, leave it be (as they say in the country)!

Lesson #3: As a husband and wife, you must always remember to be on the same team. Although my husband and I did follow this lesson, this ordeal reminded us of the importance of acting as a team. I couldn’t think of anyone else that I’d rather buy a house with. Of course there are times when I wish my hubby was a ball player making a million plus (ha ha). No seriously, our team is #1. You mess with one of us – its over.

Lesson #4: If someone tells you who they are, believe them. In many cases, our realtor revealed certain things about her personality, habits and professionalism that would not be conducive to good business. We should have turned the other way. Don’t ignore them or write them off. If you do, it will come back and bite you in the ass! And in cases like these - cause you to spend unnecessary dough!

Lesson #5: Trust your intuition. I heard voices in my head a couple of times (no I am not crazy) that said don’t work with this realtor or don’t do business with friends or maybe I should say something. And I didn’t. I didn’t heed my own internal warning system – which has NEVER failed me. You have to listen to yourself. If you do, you’ll save yourself a lot of time, money and headaches..

That’s the lesson, boys and girls.

House Inspection #1 Down and 3 More to Go

Yes, really! Yesterday we met with the general house inspector at 10 AM. It took him approximately 2 hours to finish the inspection. We had no idea the process would take that long. We’d scheduled the chimney inspector but he had to cancel. So, now he is rescheduled for today with the plumber/sewer inspection. Ugh! Mo money, mo money, mo money! All of these inspections cost. When people say owning a home is expensive, believe it. We haven’t even gotten to the sign the line part, and we keep shelling out money for this house.

For the most part the house is okay. Most of the items the inspector found were due to old age. The house is almost 100 years old. Some stuff should have been done already like electrical updates and putting in a proper venting system for the dryer. And the house isn’t retrofitted for an earthquake which sounds scary to me. I’ve heard all sorts of justifications on why this is okay (coming from people who have their homes retrofitted to boot). The main one is that the house has stood through other earthquakes. Yes, that’s true. I’ll give you that point. However, I don’t want to be in the house when it has decided that it’s stood through enough earthquakes and it’s tired. Plus, we’ve seen how worn the wood house is on the outside and inside due to time, aging and of course seismic activity (read: earthquakes). It’s a wood house not brick. We can’t even get a sprinkler system that gets the wood too wet and people want to tell me not to worry about an earthquake… Hmm. Not!

Anyway, I’m trying to brace myself for round 2 and three of the inspections today. And I am hoping that the house checks out okay (and this is all relative to a house its age). There is so much work to do on the house. It needs restoration and some serious updating.

A Girl Like Me..We haven't come that far

One my friends recently shared a link with me on Media That Matters about a documentary film called A Girl Like Me directed by a high school student, Kiri Davis. The project reflects the current black girl’s experience and deals with issues of skin color, hair texture, beauty, lack of knowledge about culture and heritage, and their overall self-image. The film even shows the 2005 version of the famous “doll test” originally conducted by Dr. Kenneth Clark that was used in the Brown vs. the Board of Education desegregation case. I found myself tearing up on several parts of the poignant film. It’s sad but true that we, as Black people still don’t love ourselves and appreciate our beauty. And we live in a society that loves to mess with our heads. Come on people! If you click on the link, you can actually watch the documentary. Seeing is believing, especially in this case. I challenge you to think about these messages as it relates to your own self-image, self-worth and the words that you say to others about our brothers and sisters.

Did you know there was a black blog award site?

I just happened on an award site for black blogs. It’s called the 2006 Black Weblog Awards. Very interesting! If you are interested in seeing which blogs won in 2005, its inaugural year, than check out the site. I didn’t know about the site until today but you can bet your bottom dollar (is that the right expression) that I will nominate my blog for 2007. ( By the way, I missed the deadline by 2-3 hours! The nomination process ended today at 11:59 AM EST. There is always next year. If you check back tomorrow, August 16, you can actually vote for the blogs in each category. Check it out. This could get interesting.

Life is a theatre!

My friend, Jaramogi, recently posted this saying or teaching on his blog. I thought it was worth sharing, so here it is! I wish I knew the original author because this person is kicking some serious knowledge. Feel free to visit his blog too.

"Life is a theatre. Invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/ friendships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama, or don't really understand, know or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. You cannot change the people around you. But you can change the people you are around."

So people, I know who I am moving out of my front row! Do you? In fact, my hubby and I had to remove several people during our wedding process. I truly believe that people show you who they really are. The problem is that we don’t want to see or listen. My advice - when people reveal to you who they are, listen to them and make changes accordingly. You’re life will thank you for it!

They Should Have Told You to Eat First!

The taping of THE GAME television show was a lot of fun. However, I must say, they should have told us to eat first. We had to be there by 5 PM and supposedly the tapings can last 4-5 hours. We left around 9 PM and they weren’t even close to being done. Most of the takes that we saw were good but they would do them about 3 to 4 different times. As a writer, I was more impressed by the writers than the actors. Mara Akil Brock, the head writer for GIRLFRIENDS, one of my favorite shows (you would know this if you’ve been reading my blog), is the head writer for this new show, hence the network is calling it a spin-off. I was soo excited to see her! It was funny. I was pointing out the different writers to my husband and he was like – who? And he said it over and over again. I would say something else about Mara and he would say who?! Ugh! She is a star in my mind. She has written for and produced a laundry list of hits such as South Central, Moesha, The Jamie Foxx Show, Girlfriends (the creator too), and now The Game. She was an actress in the 1994 movie With Honors. Her husband Salim Akil was the executive producer of Soul Food on Showtime. Can a writer wannabe say – WOW! And she is beautiful to top it all off. It looks like she has everything – great career, spirituality (self-proclaimed Muslim), loving husband, child, beauty, and brains!! She is definitely on my most-admired list and that is a short list.

Anyway, the taping was a good experience. It was truly behind the scenes. We got to see the different sets and all the people that make a TV show happen. We were told by our security escort that it takes roughly 200 people to produce one show! Wow! Amazing. Can I just be one of those 200?! And then I would be remiss if I didn’t say that Tia Mowry from Sister, Sister (with the twin Tamara Mowry) is the leading actress, and she is fantastic. She is a great actress and truly talented. The show will not fail on her account. I’m a big fan of black or urban sitcoms and try to support them as best as I can. The show will debut after Girlfriends which will run on Sunday nights on the new CW channel (UPN + WB) in the fall. Stay tuned for more updates!

Hanging in there!

For those of you interested in the hair transition, I’m hanging in here. Literally. Sometimes I feel like all of my hair is going to fall out. Instead of just wearing it natural and pulled into a bun, I’ve been wearing it blow dried. I didn’t even have to “press it”. A simple flat iron worked to get it straighter than I needed. Oh well, the process is going okay. Nothing too exciting. I am trying to find a hair stylist that actually knows what they’re doing in LA!!

The Offer Was Accepted!

Well, our offer on the house was accepted on Friday! So, we’re moving forward with this house. Of course, there was one snag along the way concerning the garage but we stood firm. On Sunday, we went by the Open House (it was previously advertised before our offer so they were obligated to still do it) on the place to take pictures and get measurements. It was nice seeing so many people interested in our place and talking about how beautiful it was. We also got some great ideas on how to expand rooms and make our half bath into a full bath. My best friend, Leticia, and her husband came by to get a sneak peek at our place.  Now, we really have to worry about selling our place! Send us your prayers!

2 hours and counting until the show

Tonight I am going to the live taping of THE GAME with my hubby. I'm pretty excited because I've never been to a studio taping for a TV show. It should be lots of fun. There was so much to do to get the tickets. We had to request tickets, get an email confirming the request. Then, once we got off the waiting list, we had to confirm the ticket via email and then by phone the night before or by 9 AM on the day of. Wow! They are really making you work for the tickets. And now we have to arrive basically by 4:30 PM to ensure we have time to park and get to the studio on time. I wish my girlfriend Leticia was going but she had to work. Bummer. It would have been a great experience to have together. Oh well, there is next time. I'm still trying to get tickets for the Girlfriends show. I guess me and the rest of the LA black world want those tickets. This is going to be a lot of fun. I can't wait.... I'm sure all the hoopla, rules, restrictions and confirmations are worth it.

And the home game begins

My hubby and I worked with our real estate agent last night on the offer for the house. We came up with what we thought was a fair price based on our market research. At the end of the day, we settled on a price that made us all feel comfortable, especially me because I think there is value in negotiating. So, the offer was submitted this morning at 9 AM PST and the seller has to respond by 5 PM tomorrow. I can't wait. I want to know now what she is going to say. The suspense is killing me. If it goes through, we will be moving in about a month. Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer that we'll get the best home for us.

Our house (hopefully)

Our house

My hubby and I are thinking about buying this house. Its exciting and scary at the same time. I've been stalking the house a little bit - driving by it in the mornings to see how it looks and check out the neighborhood. So far, so good. We've looked at several houses in the neighborhood and have decided on this one. It has so much character. Anyway, this might be our house. Keep your fingers crossed. Yippee!

The Importance of Having the Right Energy

I recently discovered the importance of choosing people and surrounding myself with people that have the RIGHT energy. Although this may at first sound a bit abstract, bear with me. Do you know how you can meet someone for the first time and immediately get a “sense” about them? And from this initial meeting, you usually can make a decision about whether or not you are interested in getting to know them better. Many people call this example, your first impression. I ask you to examine that first impression further. A first impression is made up of several things – what the person said (verbal communication), what the person did (behavior), what the person didn’t say (non-verbal communication), and the energy that came from this person. There are other clues too but they are more judgmental like what the person looked like? How they dressed? How they spoke? If you are asking “how” in this situation, you are judging at some level. Judgments are okay as long as we realize we are judging. Anyway, we all get this energy feeling from people if we pay attention. Many of us don’t look at this level, consciously or unconsciously, when we meet people or interact with them. Sometimes we don’t know to look at it. Other times, we just don’t trust our own internal energy judgment which I call intuition. I want to encourage people to listen to their intuition and pay attention to someone’s energy. In two important situations in my life, my wedding videographer and my financial adviser, I chose (rather my husband and I chose) people with the wrong energy. (On a side note, in the case of the financial adviser, we chose someone who wasn’t even as smart as we are in terms of finances (now that’s scary).) I am not saying that the people are BAD nor is their energy. It just wasn’t right for us. And sometimes determining what will be the right energy for a project or venture, takes a bit of introspection. However, the one thing that I do know is that the energy needs to be positive and light! I would just like to personally invite you to take note of these nonverbal clues and pay attention to someone’s energy. It could make all the difference in whether your experience with this person or with your new project turns out the way you wanted it to.

Say Hi Please

I started a guestbook (see sidebar) so I could figure out who is visiting the site and to hear from folks. I love for someone to leave me a message. So, if you have time or feel sorry for me (hanging out here in cyberspace solo), sign my guestbook. Thanks!

Your Old AOL Address Works

I tried it. It does work although now it has an aim.com ending instead of aol.com. The question is – do I want it? I’ve re-established myself on Yahoo! and a little bit on Google. The question for AOL is why should old users go back?

Introducing Marley

I just thought I would share a picture of one of my loves in the world - my doggie, Marley. He is almost a year old. He'll be a year on August 29th and shares a birthday with my mom. My husband and I knew he was the puppy for us based on his sweet temperament and the shared birthday confirmed our decision. He is the sweetest puppy! And we love him a lot. You can expect more pictures on August 29th. (And for those of you wondering, he is a Maltese.)

Happy to be Nappy!

Well after years of deliberating, I’ve decided to go natural. Meaning (for those of you that don’t know the lingo) I am not going to relax or perm my hair any more. (I used to perm my hair rather infrequently like 2 or 3 times a year.) The result is that I will have my natural hair texture in all its nappy glory. I’m actually excited about the idea of just being me. Since my hair is curly, I’m looking forward to just wearing it curly. And who knows, maybe one day I’ll decide to wear locs (which I think are gorgeous when done properly). It feels good to know that I am embracing all of who I am – naps and all. It is like rediscovering me in a spiritual way. This transitioning period is going to be interesting. I’m seeing my hair growing quickly and how the texture is changing. I joined a Yahoo Group called Naturally You (this link may not work for the public). This group was started by the editor of the magazine by the same name to support natural hair sistas! (Permies, you don’t need much support!) It’s been great so far with hearing the stories of other women transitioning and the effect on their lives. Some women have very insensitive husbands that have told them to straighten out their naps! (I’m lucky that I have a husband that fully supports me and thinks I am beautiful regardless – straight or natural hair.) So, occasionally I’ll be talking about my hair transition because hell, this is my blog! I’d love to hear your thoughts on natural hair or any suggestions during this transition period!

I'm going to be on TV!

I’m going to be on TV. YAAY! I am so excited. Well, not exactly. My hubby and I are scheduled to attend a live taping on August 11th of THE GAME which is a spin-off from my favorite show, GIRLFRIENDS. I can’t wait. I’ve never seen a live taping of a show. And to me, being in a couple of commercials doesn’t count. I am just busting at the seams! I love GIRLFRIENDS so I am hoping that I will enjoy the spin-off just as much. I’ll be sure and let you all know how it goes. I’m going to Hollywood! I’m going to Hollywood. Ok yes, I am a little excited.

Speaking of GIRLFRIENDS, can anyone confirm the rumor that the show is being cancelled? I cannot tell you how pissed off I would be because not only is it my favorite show but what else is out there for women of color to see themselves positively portrayed on TV. And I also hear that Half & Half is going to be cancelled too. I don’t know about you all but we can’t let this happen. What shows will we, as Black people, have to watch that more accurately than not show us in a positive and realistic light?! Out here in Hollywood, I know they are still taping shows for the upcoming season. Is this the last season? If I find out anything, I’ll let you know.

Yep! It's Back On!!

Guess what people! Just when you thought there couldn’t be another anthology published. Tinesha and I have decided to finish working on our anthology on being Black and Buddhist. It is called Voices from the Shadows. We are really excited about the idea. About 2 years ago, we started the project but didn’t get very good submissions. And truthfully, we were both working on other things. Tinesha was just beginning her book, Holla at the Moon (I think) and working on self-publishing her book of poetry, All Black Girls Ain’t Got Rhythm. I was working on my poetry, flash fiction, and my marketing communications company, FeatureOne. So, the timing was off. Its funny – both of us claim the idea as our own because the vision for the book came to each of us separately but at the same time. In Buddhism, we call this “myoho” or mystic, or even “esho funi” (spelling could be all wrong) – one in mind but many in body. Anyway, keep your eyes peeled for additional information on our anthology. Neither of us have written a nonfiction book or edited one so this will be excellent practice. We are currently working on our submission requirements and the web site for the anthology. We’ll keep you posted.

AOL email is now free!

AOL recently announced that they will begin to provide email accounts for free to compete with Yahoo! and Google. Many of their customers, myself included, left AOL because it was silly to pay for email when you could get it for free - especially if you are already paying for broadband. AOL was my first internet and email provider. I was used to them and their system. In fact, Yahoo! and Google don't look half as good as AOL to me. I am not even sure I like Google's email setup at all. It actually took me a long time to discontinue my AOL service. I was just giving them money - month after month. I was worried about transferring everything over and losing contact with people. Thanks AOL. I can now reclaim my old email address (if I even still want it). Supposedly, all you have to do is login with your old username and password to reactivate your email. This story will be interesting to follow. Will AOL make an email comeback with free email? Should Yahoo! and Google be worried? To read the full story, click here.

California Closets Suck...At least right now they do!

I have discovered a California living drawback - - wardrobe. Now, at first glance, this may appear silly. Warm weather. You can be easy and breezy! Flip flops and t-shirts galore. However, I lived on the East coast long enough to miss a couple of things. And I admit from the start that this problem, or drawback rather, may just stem from a personal problem but I am willing to share anyway.

On the east coast, most people look forward to buying clothing for the different seasons. Most of us get excited at the thought of buying new summer clothes. Or better yet, we look forward to spring when we can finally start wearing our sandals (showing off our new pedis) and shedding our heavy winter coats. Then, after showing your skin and being hot all summer, we begin to look forward to the idea of shopping for "fall" fashions and buying a new winter coat and sweaters. Well now, by living in sunny California, I feel like I wear the same damn clothes all the time. I am so sick of my wardrobe. The spring/summer clothes that had when I left the east coast feel like my entire wardrobe. I feel like I wear them all the time. And because the seasons don't change (unless you call going from 70-90 degrees a change), I don't have a "justification" for a shopping spree to "renew" my wardrobe. Now of course, I am a woman. I have bought some new items - here and there. However, I am just accustomed to the idea of buying "new" items for a "new" season and then eventually retiring the rags that I just wore for 3-4 months straight. And then, here is the really cool part of the east coast wardrobe culture. Because you don't look at the "last season" clothes consistently for another year, they feel like new when you pull them out again. Its like magic. The old becomes new (supplemented of course, by some new season stuff). Now, I feel like I am still stuck in the season of summer 2004 and 2005, and we are in 2006. Ugh! I say all of this to say .... I'm going shopping. To hell with California and its lack of seasons!

As Many As 100,000 Without Power in Queens

It’s hard to believe that in 2006, the US power companies have not figured out how to keep power on during storms. Hello! Aren’t smart businesses supposed to anticipate challenges and design solutions to solve them? The major challenge for any power company would be a storm. I am just extremely surprised and disappointed that Con Edison hasn’t devised a strategy to prevent long-term periods of no power. They should be ashamed of themselves. The power has been out for over 5 days and predicted to be out through the weekend. I feel for my friends in Queens. Last weekend, during my DC trip, I was staying at my friend, Tinesha’s, house and her air conditioning stop working. I felt like I was in hell - literally. It was like 90 some degrees plus humidity which made it feel like 100+ degrees. Being hot makes me irritable. All I could do was sit very still next to a fan and think cool thoughts. I was miserable. Although I was going to miss my friend and DC, I was happy to get my butt into the air conditioned car headed back home to my air conditioned, no to low humidity, Los Angeles! Stay cool NYC!

To read more about the story, click here.

DC Weekend Warrior

Last weekend, I went to DC for my best friend's (Tinesha) poetry book launch party on Saturday, July 15th at the Alexandria Black History Museum. I took JetBlue my favorite airlines because I get to watch cable TV for free and see where I am on the map. Yes, JetBlue is the only way to fly across country. I digress. Although I got to see my parents briefly, my main reason for jetsetting to DC was to support my girl. Publishing a book, any kind of book, is a major accomplishment. Trust me, I'm trying. It takes self-confidence, belief in yourself, belief in your words, perservance, dedication, talent, and artistry! And in the case of self-publishing, like Tinesha, it takes loot (I told you I would tell it to you straight!). I realized throughout my own personal writing experience and especially this weekend that the most important ingredient was belief in yourself. In fact, Tinesha was introduced by one of the "Great" black women writers, Marita Golden, who said that Tinesha is successful because she believes in herself even when others don't. She believes in herself so much that she is able to convince others to believe in her (like Marita who she convinced to be her mentor). And consequently, she doesn't take NO for an answer. I think most writers, myself included, struggle with questions like - "why am I doing this?" or "will anyone want to read what I write?" or "is this book idea or story idea really a good idea?" Then, one day we realize a couple of things that my girl realized awhile ago. (1) We have to write! Like breathing most writers have this inner need to write, to say something! I think our very happiness depends on it. And (2)at some point on this writing journey, we start believing what we are saying! Yes, this may sound like a wild concept but at some level you must believe in your thoughts - even if they sound a little crazy, silly, stupid, or way out there. To venture into the land of writing and be successful, you have to trust your thoughts and listen to that crazy voice inside your head dying to be expressed. And it helps to surround yourself with people that love and support you and your dreams!

This weekend was motivating and encouraging. It was great to go to my friend's book launch and even serving as Ms. Star Emcee (yes, that's me) but the best part was seeing her achieve one of her biggest dreams. She always knew she wanted to be a writer (like since the 3rd grade) and a poet. She remembered her goal in 2004 to publish her book of poetry. She achieved this major dream. She is very encouraging in a world where people forget about or sell out their own dreams. And now, she is finishing up her first novel, Holla at the Moon, and already has an agent contract. Her book will be marketed to publishers in September! Yes, expect big things from my girl. She's making moves because she believed that she could!

New Delhi or Bust

About a week of so ago, my good friend, Jaramogi, told me via IM that he was moving to New Delhi, India. Whoa! At first I thought he was joking, but quickly realized that he was serious. I forgot who I was talking to. I was talking to a male version of me. Jaramogi and I have always been in tune mystically. We often have the same ideas or at least similar ones and strangely, the thoughts come to us around the same time. I realized that if I was thinking about moving abroad, it is very possible that Jay was also thinking about it too. And the universe quickly responded to his thought! His company has a global rotation program that is going to place him in New Dehli!

I've always wanted to live in abroad, especially in Europe, since I went to school at Oxford in England during college. This experience really broadened my mind and made me yearn for different experiences. It also got me excited about traveling and learning more about the world. It broke me out of the US box and "state-side" thinking and made me into a Global Citizen. This global thinking has gotten me into trouble with some of my more "patriotic" friends when I don't side with the US on international and political issues.

Anyway, I am really going to miss Jay during this time but I am soo excited for him. He promised to come back a Buddha (wink) and use his East Asian History degree from our alma mater, Duke! I can't wait to see pictures, hear about his travels and experiences, and possibly visit him. Here's to new adventures, global citizenship, exploration, and living your dreams!

How Does It Feel to be Married?

Soon after you get married, people always ask you - how does it feel to be married? Well, I'm going to tell it to you straight. The perspective of love and forever changes dramatically when you get married and it is something that you can't understand unless you've experienced it. The relationship is just on a whole other level. Nothing really changes (like in the day to day sense) except that the relationship is now on a higher level and a deeper level with its own set of expectations (probably due in part to the importance of the relationship - heck whole families are formed from these relationships). So in essence, everything changes.

It is also a public relationship so that opens up a whole new can of worms. And women that change their names now wear a public badge that says I've made this commitment and as a result have a lot riding on this deal working out (the name changing issue could be a whole another posting). Single people out there have to understand that it isn't the title "married" or the "fancy wedding" that changes things - it is the vow, it is the commitment. It is the pledge to spend the rest of your life with someone else and to love and honor this person. This person that you see everyday, talk to everyday, make love to and argue with, is no longer just a boyfriend or girlfriend. They are now your life mate. They are someone that you vowed to be with for the rest of your life. This choice should not have been one taken lightly - therefore, the relationship cannot be. And in a moment, those two words, "I do", changed everything. I hope I answered the question.

JG's Words to the Wise

Don't make it a habit to take advice from someone that you wouldn't want to trade places with!

2006 - the Lucky Year of Marriage?!

According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, Chinese astrologers state that 2006 is a very lucky year to get married. Now of course, I don't believe everything that I read but I am hoping that in this case - luck and astrology are on my side. Heck, marriages today need all the luck they can get. Is that the reason why Chinese people are trying desperately to get married this year by placing personals, advertising their available children or friends on signs in the park. Or better yet delaying their nuptials or just taking the plunge because 2006 is just too good of a year to pass up.

Well, here are my words of warning ... luck is good and necessary for marriage but love, understanding, respect and a solid foundation are also keys to success. So people, unless you are ready to get married, I don't think you should follow the Chinese on this one. I'll let you know in 50 years if there was anything to this lucky year thing. We'll have solid divorce rates by then to judge. Did that sound pessimistic?

To read the actual article, click here (reprinted in The Miami Herald).

Make Your Ass Clap or Ride a Bike?

There is this new singer out of Leeds, United Kingdom by the name of Corinne Bailey Rae. I am not sure if I should classify her sound as soul, R&B, neosoul or Pop but her debut song, "Cput Your Records" is a little boring to me. However, the reason I'm talking about her actually has nothing to do with her talent or her debut song or even music classification (that could be another post), but rather her music video. As many of you are aware if you watch BET or MTV and check out a rap, hip hop, or several of the "black" music videos, they can be easily distinguished by the black women dancing in the video with hardly any clothes on. And their dancing leaves nothing to the sexual imagination. The girls gyrate and shake their asses like strippers or more commonly known among black men and the hip hop generation as making their ass clap. Well, lodged smack between these ass videos comes Rae's video for her new debut. Was she shaking her ass? No. Was she dancing? No, not really, unless you count swaying and shaking as dancing. Miss Rae was riding a bike. Riding a bike?! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, music conosouirres, she is riding a bike through a grassy meadow. Her video made me think about the way black women are portrayed in music videos. They are either highly sexualized or almost sexually dead. Its like one extreme or the other. Did her video producers or Rae herself think that bike riding in a video was her only option? Or perhaps I am simply missing some great artistic pursuit here? Its possible, though not likely. Its just a video (somewhat boring video) of a black girl singing and riding through a meadow. Or maybe riding a bike is sexual? Hmmm.. Naaah! It just made me ask the question - are black women in music videos forced to choose between clapping their asses or riding on bikes??? One of my favs for her beauty, style and orinality, Kelis, had this to say on the topic when recently asked by SPIN magazine for their June issue. "Will I clap my ass in video? Ugh, no". I think her comment sums it up quite nicely. If you want to read more from Kelis, buy the SPIN magazine.

I don't have an answer here people. I just thought it was interesting point to ponder especially as we consider how black people are portrayed in the media. If you'd like to buy Rae's CD, click here. Kelis' CD isn't due out until late July/early August 2006.

Guess Who's Back...

Okay, okay. I know I deserve a good lashing for waiting over 3 months to post again. Hey! Hey! I've got a good excuse and its summed up in one word - WEDDING. Yes, I got married. And for those that don't know why that one word is synonymous with time drain, just ask somebody that planned a wedding worth attending. Although I am now pleased with myself and all the hard work that it took for me to pull of this wedding, damn it was a lot of work and it really zapped all my time and energy. I would have every intention of posting to my blog but my free time would just dissipate after working on one of the 1000 items on the to do list or dealing with these "stuck-up for no reason" wedding boutique salespeople, or talking to the "oh-so-exhausting order taker" in Anguilla, I mean wedding coordinator. Did I say that outloud? I hope that didn't sound bitchy but hey... I promised the truth on this blog. Well, for those that didn't attend the wedding, it turned out great. I don't have any real complaints or wedding nightmares. Were things perfect, hell no?! But all things considered and with all the thousands of details, things turned out really well. I'm extremely happy with it. And, I would do it all over again so that statement in and of itself is a measurement of its success. If you are interested in checking out the wedding site (pictures from the wedding still to come - hey its yet another task to post them), please feel free to visit www.brookeandwes.com.

Anyways, I'm back! So expect some crazy posts. I'm keeping it real on this blog. Politically correct people may not want to continue reading... Hey maybe I should put a warning label on my spot? Stay tuned.

911 Movie Already?

Maybe some of you might be as surprised as I am to hear about a movie on 911. Does anyone else think that it may be too soon for this movie? Maybe I am alone but living at DC during this time made 9-11 affect me more than the average American. One of my best friends was in the Pentagon when the plane crashed into it and set it on fire. And although I didn't know anyone that was killed during the attacks, the media coverage during this time really affected me. I had nightmares about planes crashing into buildings - with me unable to escape. I actually saw my body going up into flames while I tried to go down the fire escape. In my head, I saw the planes crashing into the World Trade Towers over and over again. I have the media to thank for their coverage and replay of all things horrific concerning this tragedy. And if those images, related stories, and nightmares weren't enough, I had to drive by the burning Pentagon on a sometimes daily or weekly basis.

I am willing to admit that perhaps I am being too sensitive but maybe, just maybe, America didn't need to re-live this tragedy soo soon to make Hollywood richer. Let's see how it does at the box office.

Oooh The First Post - What Pressure! Tips on Finding Your Mate

I thought that I would start off the blog with some helpful tips for the women. These are simply tips. I am not professing to be a relationship, dating, meeting, marrying expert. I only realized a couple of things during my single life (pre-fiance) that I thought would be worthy of sharing.

1. If you don't know what you are looking for in a mate, you won't find it! --Although this tip sounds soo simple and obvious, you would be surprised at the number of people that are wandering this earth looking for their "soul mate" but have no idea what qualities this person would possess. I think they are so enamored with the idea that this perfect person for them is going to show up one day, cross their path, profess their love, and they'll live happily ever after. Hey, the person could show up, cross your path, and profess their love - - but if you don't know what you are looking for, you won't even know that your mate is standing there before you. Instead, this love-saying, cross-pathing guy will look like the crazy guy next door or at work or on the bus. You get the drift. Which leads me to my next point...
2. Make a list -- Take some quiet time to yourself and reflect on the qualities that you want in a mate. These qualities include wants, needs, and wishes. Write all of them down. Let them sit for awhile and then come back to them. Edit and refine the list. Compare your list to the good and the ugly in past suitors. The best qualities are the ones you've experienced first hand and know to be the qualities that suit you. Not the ones that you and your girlfriends talked about over dinner or the last "f&5K a dude" conversation. Take this exercise serious. You are putting your dream into the universe. You are naming it - as they say.
3. Be Open - - Although at first glance, this advice may seem contrary to the detailed and explicit list but you have to be open to meeting people and keeping an open mind on the guys that you already know. You will be surprised by your new evaluations of men once you know what you are looking for and open to the possibilities.
4. Ask Yourself - Do I Possess The Qualities on My List?! -- A lot of women are looking for Prince Charming, however, they are more like the Wicked Witch of the West, not Cinderella. Many of us expect the man to be perfect but we haven't cleaned out our own closets. After you've decided what you want in a mate, made your list, and developed an open mind, it is now time to take stock of yourself. Develop the criteria that you desire in a mate. Is it financial security? Hmmm. It may be time to check out your bank statements and retirement plans. Is it generosity? Hmm. You might want to see how generous your friends and family think you are. Is it spiritual? You might want to ask yourself: when was the last time you went to church or did your own spiritual practice? Are you all the things (or at least most of them) that you want in a mate?
5. Develop Yourself! -- This tip goes hand-in-hand with the previous tip. Spend some time working on YOU. I know this sounds sooo self-help-ish but its true. Take advantage of your single time and the opportunity to really concentrate on you. (Once you are in a relationship, this time may severly diminish!) Remember your list! Did you want the guy to have a good job (however you define it)? Maybe you should up your job prospects by taking some classes and learning new skills? Or perhaps you may want to update your resume and switch jobs. Or better yet, it might be time to go to school? The list is endless. And only you know, what you are looking for and what areas of your life need improvement. I encourage you to spend the time and energy on yourself.

With those simple tips, you will be on your way to finding your mate. However, and I would say, more importantly, you are improving yourself, loving yourself, and enjoying life. Not waiting around for Mr. Right. Good luck and Enjoy You!